Day 3 Embryo Update and Happy Transfer Eve!

Sorry I haven't blogged in a few days. Between going to work every day this week and recovering from the egg retrieval, I've been kind of ho-hum. I haven't had much to blog about. Or maybe I just haven't had the energy. I've been pretty tired since the retrieval on Sunday. I have also had a lot of soreness and bloating in my stomach, which is completely normal. Apparently, the follicles fill back up with fluid after the retrieval and take a little while to get back to normal. Everything is still really swollen and bloated. But, overall, I'm doing pretty well!

The embryo transfer is scheduled for 11:30am tomorrow. I have been waiting all week for someone to call me with instructions for the procedure. But the only thing I could see was the appointment time on my online patient portal. So, around 4:00pm today, I called my nurse to see if there is anything else I need to know about tomorrow. She said "Didn't the surgery center call you with instructions today?" I said "No. Where were they supposed to call me?" She said "Yes, between 1pm and 4pm today." Well, obviously either they forgot or they were way behind on their calls. So the nurse proceeded to give me instructions, which consists of showing up 1 hour early tomorrow to take my Motrin and Valium and get my bladder as full as possible. Then, right before the transfer, the doctor will go over the latest embryo report with us and discuss how many we want to put in. We may have come to a decision on that, but stay tuned until tomorrow for the final weigh in... ;-)

Speaking of embryo reports... when I was on the phone with my nurse today, I asked her how the embryos are doing. The only thing I have heard all week was on Monday morning when I got the call that we had 13 embryos. So, since then, I have been wondering how our little beans have been doing. I have been praying for them every night. The nurse said that, as of Day 3 (yesterday), we still have 12 embryos hanging in there. Yesterday, two of them were 10-cell, one of them was 7-cell, and 9 of them were 8-cell. By day 3, ideally, you want them to be at least 8-celled -- so we are doing really well with at least 11 of them! Unfortunately, one of the original 13 had to be discarded earlier in the week. RIP little bean! But to still have 12 embryos growing strong at this point is such a blessing! I believe tomorrow they will check the quality of each embryo and decide which ones will be good to transfer, freeze, and discard. So the number may continue to go down, but we will see. I will make sure and post an update of those results tomorrow or this weekend.

So tomorrow is the day!! I am getting excited! Honestly, it hasn't sunk in yet that this is really happening. I'm sure once I am in the stirrups, having an embryo (or two) inserted in me, it will all hit home. I thank God every day for this opportunity and for the miracle of modern science. Without it, I would be so lost in my life right now. This has given me hope, and I am so blessed. Can't wait to see what the future holds! :-)

Video: Embryonic Development, Days 1-5

Lucky 13!

Today at 10:41am, I got a very important phone call. It was the fertility clinic calling to tell us that we have 13 embryos currently incubating! It's funny because that is EXACTLY the number of mature eggs that I guessed there would be, based on last week's ultrasounds. When we checked in yesterday at the surgical center for the egg retrieval, a nurse asked us how many eggs we thought would be retrieved. I told her I was not sure about the total number, but I believed that 13 of them would be mature. And I was right! They "eggs-tracted" 19 eggs, but only 13 fertilized. Which, more than likely, means that the other 6 eggs weren't mature enough to become embryos. This woman knows her body, let me tell ya! ;-)

So today the nurse also told me that, based on the high number of embryos we have, we will do a 5-day transfer instead of a 3-day transfer. It will happen between 8-11am on Friday. We still have not decided if we want to transfer just 1 embryo or 2. Everyone we talk to says 2, of course. However, we are a little nervous to do more than 1, as both embryos could end up implanting. On the other hand, we could transfer 2 and only 1 could be successful. And there is even the possibility that neither embryo could make it. So we are just going to wait and see what our doctor suggests, based on the statistics and quality of the eggs. You will just have to stayed tuned to find out! *evil laugh*

Realistically, by Friday, all 13 embryos may not survive. Typically, some of the embryos don't make it all the way to the 5th day. We will be very happy if at least half of the embryos survive. That way, we can transfer 1 or 2 of them and freeze the rest. If I do not get pregnant this time, then the frozen embryos will allow us to keep trying. Or, if this time does work and we want more babies down the road, all we have to do is thaw one of our embryos. All we can do is trust that God is in control and that He has our best interest at heart. I have been thanking God all day for this precious miracle! Just to think that 13 potential little Kirby babies are sitting in a lab right now with our DNA is amazing to me!! We are so blessed to have had this opportunity! I am definitely looking forward to the coming weeks to see what may be in store for us. If it is not the ending that we expected, then it is not the end! We will keep on trying until we are parents!

Heavenly Father, please watch over our 13 little embryos as they grow big and strong in the lab. If there are any that grow weak and do not survive, please bring them to heaven to be with You. I thank You so much for this opportunity and look forward to being a mommy one day, in Your time. I am so thankful for all of the blessings You have placed in my life. Amen.

Grow, little Kirby embryos! Grow!!

19 Kids and Counting...?? ;-)

The egg retrieval went magnificently this morning! Dr. Williams was able to extract 19 eggs from my follicles! The nurse said that, typically, about 75% of those eggs will be fertilized. If that is the case for us, we should have about 13-15 embryos to work with! However, it may not end up being quite that many, due to quality variances. But we will take whatever we can get! Only the best embryos will be transferred into my uterus or frozen for later use. We should know by tomorrow or Tuesday how many embryos we have. If there are more than 5 good embryos, we will transfer 1 or 2 of them on Friday. If there are 5 or less, we will do the transfer on Wednesday. We have not decided yet how many embryos we want to transfer. As we would prefer to have just 1 baby at a time, we would like to transfer no more than 1 embryo this week. However, the doctor will tell us on the day of transfer what he thinks the odds are of just 1 embryo being successful versus 2 embryos. The factors that determine the best number of embryos to transfer are: my age, health, embryo quality, etc. We will make our decision at that time, based on the data we are given. In the meantime, this afternoon, the eggs will be fertilized and monitored over the next few days. On that note, I think a prayer is in order:

Our heavenly Father, thank you for a successful retrieval this morning! Please guide the embryologists' hands and watch over our little embryos as they grow big and strong in the days to come. Thank you for the miracle of life!! Amen.

I thought that it might be helpful to post a few videos on IVF, since the process can be a little confusing and unfamiliar to most. Note: the second video below mentions that there are 2 ways to fertilize the harvested eggs: either by putting many sperm in each dish containing an egg to fertilize on their own or through ICSI (instracytoplasmic sperm injection). ICSI is where they take the good sperm and inject one directly into each egg. Due to our male factor fertility issues, we have opted to use ICSI as a means of assisted fertilization. Luckily, our fertility clinic uses this method exclusively as well and does not charge extra for the service, as most other clinics do! I chose to post 2 videos, as one is short and to-the-point, as the other video goes a little more in-depth through the process. Enjoy!

"The 5 Phases of IVF" (2-minute video)

"Inside the IVF Lab" (10-minute video)

So Egg-cited!

In less than 10 hours, all of my mature eggs will be harvested to be fertilized! I can't believe this day is almost here! We have to be at the surgical center by 6:30 to get me prepped for the procedure. I will be put under anesthesia, and the whole thing shouldn't take but 30 minutes or so. Usually, when retrievals are done on the weekends, you don't find out until Monday how many embryos there are and their qualities. However, as Monday is a holiday, we will have to hold out until Tuesday to find out! Talk about major suspense! As soon as we know something, I will be sure to blog about it.

I thought this photo was appropriate for the eve of my retrieval. It is fertility humor, so not everyone will get it. For those who do not already know, women are basically born with all of the eggs that they will ever have. Each month you ovulate one of those eggs. Tomorrow, I'll be rounding up a bunch of my girls to try and make some babies. Giddy up!

Day 13... TRIGGER TIME!! :-)

Just to re-cap from my last post, as of yesterday, my follicles were not getting bigger and my estrogen had decreased. There was a possibility that this cycle might be a bust. So, last night I did a lot of praying! I also came to terms with the fact that if it didn't happen this month for us, it would not be the end of the world. Sure we would lose about $900 in medications and 4 weeks of our time. But we would be able to try again next month. I knew that worrying myself to death about it wasn't going to help anything or change the situation. So I made my peace with it, one way or the other.

Luckily, when my doctor checked my follicles on the ultrasound today, they popped right out on the screen! There were lots of 17's, 18's, and 19's! I think we even saw a 20mm follicle! Needless to say, tears of relief ran down my cheeks. I was HAPPY!! The increased dosage had done the trick! The doctor said he was pretty confident that I should be able to trigger tonight and that our retrieval would be on Sunday. However... we would still need to wait for the bloodwork results to come back to make sure all of the stars were still aligned. Most importantly, we needed to know that my estrogen had gone back up since the drop yesterday.

Below you will see only screen shots of my right ovary and follicles from today's ultrasound. I am not sure why the nurse did not print pictures of my left ovary, as the doctor measured sizable follicles on both sides. In addition, for some reason, the left follicle sizes did not show up on my online results. So I don't have that exact information to share this time. But the right follicle sizes were: 19mm, 16.25mm, 14.8mm, 19.7mm, 18.98mm, 14.76mm, 17.24mm, 17.43mm, 18.85mm, and 17.74mm. We saw about the same number and sizes in the left ovary as well. The follicles will probably grow about 1-2mm or more between now and the retrieval. So, anything that is under 18mm still has a chance to mature and hopefully be fertilized.

RIGHT Ovary & Follicles

RIGHT Ovary & Follicles

RIGHT Ovary & Follicles

The rest of the afternoon was just a waiting game. I did not get the call from my clinic until 5 o' clock!! Talk about pins and needles! When I answered, the nurse said that my estrogen had increased to 2045! She also pointed out that my LH and progesterone were still low, at 0.109 and 0.862 respectively, which is the perfect scenario. If they had spiked, it could mean that I was about to ovulate. And we do not need ovulation to happen until Sunday morning. On that note, I will be administering a trigger shot of HCG (Ovidrel) tonight at 7:45 in order to prompt my body to ovulate within 36 hours. The timing has to be exact so that the ovulation will not occur until I am on the operating table on Sunday morning for the egg retrieval at 7:15. Not to worry... the shot is laying next to me as I type and will be administered in t-minus 8 minutes.

I am so thankful to everyone who prayed for me last night! I know God heard our prayers and answered them today! I have such wonderful people in my life! Most of all, I want to thank God for giving us this opportunity! I know good things will happen if I just trust in Him to let it be. To God be the glory!!

IVF Day 12... Need prayers!

I had my day 12 ultrasound and bloodwork done this morning. Here are my lab results: progesterone was 0.566, LH was 0.116, and estradiol was 1738. The nurse called me this afternoon to bring to my attention that my estrogen dropped a little bit (from 1965 yesterday to 1738 today). She said that it was not too significant, but the doctor would like to increase my medication dosages tonight from 150 units to 225 units for both Menopur and Gonal-F. They are hoping that this will bring my esterogen level back up. In fact, I just received a call from my doctor a few minutes ago to brief me on the drop in estrogen. He said he would like to personally do my ultrasound tomorrow to make sure everything looks ok. (Normally, the nurses do the ultrasounds & bloodwork, and then he is given the results in order to advise them how to instruct me to proceed.) He is concerned about the hormone decrease, as well as the fact that my follicles are growing so slowly. He said that he would actually be more concerned if my estrogen dropped and my LH & progesterone had spiked. That could have meant that my ovulation was not being suppressed, as it should be, and would be bad news for this cycle. But that did not happen, so he is hopeful that we are still in the game for IVF this month. I will know more after my followup appointment tomorrow.

As for my ultrasound today, here are the follicle sizes: (left) 14.23, 15.52, 10.81, 11.88, 12.9, 11.07, 15.01, 13.65, 10.38, 7.58; (right) 15.06, 11.84, 11.97, 14.97, 14.46, 17.14. The screen shots below are a little harder to make out this time. My ovaries decided to play peek-a-boo today and made it a little more difficult for the nurse to see/measure them. I'm a little bummed out because I feel like they didn't grow very much since yesterday -- maybe 1mm, if even that much. I hope that increasing my injection dosages tonight will also help my follicles mature a little faster, as well as improve my estrogen level. I am right on the cusp of the 18mm minimum for retrieval, but some of "my girls" need a little boost. I guess we will know by tomorrow if the extra dosage helps any.

LEFT Ovary & Follicles

RIGHT Ovary & Follicles

As for me... I am feeling really bloated and full these days. I can't wait to get all of these eggs out of me! (But not sooner than necessary, of course. I'll keep doing this for another week if I have to!) I've been wearing my "comfy" work pants and shirts this week to allow me a little extra breathing room. I will probably be a little worried tonight about my progress, as well as whether this cycle might be a bust. But all I can do is trust that God will see us through the remaining time we have left in this month and hope that it works out. Praying praying praying...

IVF Update... Day 11??

Yes, you read the title correctly... day 11! It has been 11 days since I started my IVF injections. Normal stimulation time is between 8-10 days, but my follicles are taking their sweet time to get mature enough for retrieval. The nurse told me today that it could be taking longer because I was on birth control prior to starting IVF (which is standard protocol). So my follicles might be taking a little longer to respond to the medications. Nevertheless, she also told me that I am still on track and that sometimes women just need a few extra days on meds to catch up. And I am ok with that!

So this morning was my day 11 ultrasound and bloodwork. My lab results are as follows: progesterone was 0.386, LH was <0.100, and estradiol was 1965. And my follicle measurements were: (left) 15.95, 13.16, 13.42, 13.83, 15.5, 10.81, 10.61; (right) 14.33, 15.28, 14.17, 10.06, 11, 9.6, 15.2, 14.34, 16.36, 14.25. The average sizes right now are 14-16mm, which means they only grew about 1mm per day since my last checkup. Normally, follicles will grow between 1-2mm per day. So the fact that there was growth, even on the low end (1mm), is good. They say that having follicles grow/mature too quickly can sometimes compromise the quality of the eggs. So I would much rather have slow-growing, quality eggs than rush into retrieval with a bunch of duds. It is also possible that not all of the eggs listed above will be mature enough to fertilize successfully -- specifically the ones currently between 9-11mm. Odds are they will probably not reach the 18mm minimum mark by the time of retrieval like the others will. But you never know! I at least have 10-12 eggs that may make the running. And, as long as they are quality eggs, that is more than enough for me!

LEFT Ovary and Follicles

RIGHT Ovary and Follicles

My doctor would like for me to come in tomorrow morning for a followup ultrasound and more bloodwork. Since I am getting closer to the "mature" follicle range of 18-22mm, they want to watch me closely to make sure that we do not miss our opportunity. I am still going to take 150 units each of Menopur and Gonal-F tonight to help my follicles continue to grow. I will also still take 250mcg of Ganirelix, which prevents my body from ovulating before it is time. Depending on my growth over the next few days, I may continue to take these shots until the doctor feels that the follicles are of optimum size and ready to be retrieved. Right now, they are guesstimating that the retrieval could happen on Sunday or Monday. I should know for sure within the next day or two. We're getting closer!! :-)

On a side note, my nurse mentioned on Monday that I would probably need to order refills of my medication, just in case. I only had enough to last me through Tuesday night, and the meds ship out from Walgreens Specialty Pharmacy in Pittsburgh, PA. These are not meds you can just go to your neighborhood Walgreens to pick up on the way home from work. They have to be overnighted. So right after I left my appointment on Monday, I called to place the refill order. They confirmed that the meds should deliver to my home the next morning. My sister-in-law Megan was going to watch for them so they could be put immediately into the refrigerator. Around 4 o'clock yesterday, I texted Megan to make sure the meds had arrived. She said they had not showed up yet. So I called Walgreens, and they showed that the package was left on our front porch around 10:40 that morning. The box was nowhere to be found. Needless to say, I started panicking. If I didn't get those meds in time for tonight's injections, the whole cycle could possibly be ruined. So Walgreens shipped out a duplicate order, but this time I had them delivered to my work instead. They showed up at 10am today, and I was so relieved! Thanks, Walgreens, for rescuing me!! And UPS... thanks for nothing! ;-)

Happy 60th, Dad!

HAPPY 60TH BIRTHDAY, DAD!!!

IVF Day 9 Update

I went in for my day 9 ultrasound and bloodwork this morning. Here are my blood results: progesterone was 0.401, LH was 0.234, and estradiol was 1408. The nurse said my labs look great!

As for the ultrasound, they counted 13-14 potentially mature follicles today! Most of them averaged around 12mm, which is still right on target at this point in the "game". In the left ovary, the follicle sizes were: 15.31, 11.63, 10.96, 11.26, 12.52, and 11.42. On the right, they measured at: 12.56, 12.94, 12.09, 11.76, 12.96, 9.79, 8.75, and 12.71. Here are a couple of screen shots for your viewing pleasure:

LEFT Ovary & Follicles

RIGHT Ovary & Follicles

We were originally thinking that I would stop the medications on Tuesday night and that the egg retrieval might take place on Thursday or Friday. However, they told me that I should plan on continuing the medications through Wednesday or Thursday, possibly even Friday night, to allow the eggs to keep growing. We are now anticipating for the egg retrieval to take place on Saturday or Sunday. This actually works out better for us since we won't have to use any vacation days off from work this week. (Even though I was looking forward to a day off!) So that would put the estimated embryo transfer date sometime between May 29th and June 1st, depending on which day the retrieval happens and if we do a 3 or 5 day transfer. My next ultrasound and bloodwork appointment is on Wednesday morning. Stay tuned for more updates!

New Bedding -- The Kirby's at Kirby's -- IVF Day 8 Update

Sorry I didn't blog yesterday! We were busy busy! And I wasn't really feeling well... but I'll get to that in a minute.

Shawn and I went shopping for a new comforter yesterday for our anniversary present to each other. Since we moved into the new house in December, I've wanted to get something new. I love the appearance of the comforter we have been using, but it was getting quite hot to sleep under and has a velour pattern that attracts dog hair like a magnet. So I am going to get it dry cleaned and put it in the guest room upstairs. After looking at several stores, we finally found something we agreed on at Bed Bath & Beyond. And I had a 20% off coupon, so it was a win-win! Shawn picked out a white down alternative comforter that was on sale, and I found a duvet cover that I really like. We didn't get the shams and matching pillows, as they were not in our budget. I'll get them once they go on sale or find something inexpensive at Home Goods later on that coordinates. For now, we are quite happy with something soft and new. And the duvet cover is machine washable, which is very important when you have a sneaky little dog (Jax) who likes to snuggle up in the middle of the night! The duvet cover is in neutral colors, which I can never seem to veer away from. But, being the conservative that I am, I figure that we can use it for a while without getting tired of a particular colored pattern. And I can jazz it up with some fun colored accent pillows. Here is what the bedding looks like:

Barbara Barry "Poetical" Duvet Cover

After shopping, we went home and took naps. Sleeping with the new comforter was like heaven on a fluffy cloud! (Of course Shawn slept in his recliner, so he wouldn't be able to enjoy the new bedding until hours later!) After we woke up, we got ready for dinner at Kirby's Steakhouse to celebrate our anniversary. The meal was delicious! For an appetizer, we had fresh cracked snow crab claws in a garlic butter scampi (my favorite of the night!!). Shawn had an 18-oz Angus Ribeye, and I had Pan Roasted Seabass on a bed of lobster risotto. Both were to die for! For side items, we had mashed potatoes made with sour cream & cream cheese (mmmmm!) and fancy mac n' cheese. And, last but not least, we got a chocolate trio layered cake to eat at home. It was sinfully rich! I would like to thank my brother Eric and sister-in-law Melissa again for the Kirby's gift card that they gave us for Christmas and my birthday! Without it, we would have paid twice as much for dinner last night. We thoroughly enjoyed every bite and moment!

We got home from dinner and were stuffed to the gills! So Shawn vegged out in his recliner (as usual), and I jumped on my laptop for the evening. As I mentioned before, I had intended on blogging yesterday, but was not feeling quite up to it last night. I noticed on Friday afternoon at work that I was really tired and started getting a nagging headache. I felt the same way last night with hot flashes and also noticed that I got really full at dinner really quickly. I barely ate half of my dinner, which worked out well for my sister-in-law Megan when she got home from work! I can really feel some action going on lately in my ovaries and have been feeling a little bloated down there. I know this is a very common feeling during the stimulation process of IVF, as my follicles are getting bigger & bigger every day. I should continue to feel this way up until the egg retrieval later this week. I even had trouble falling asleep last night because I felt so yucky. But I made up for it by sleeping 13 hours! Sheesh, talk about tired! But I feel much better today, even though I still have a little headache. I should only have 3 more nights of shots, including tonight. I will go in for another ultrasound and more bloodwork tomorrow morning to see how I am responding to the medications. I will post an update tomorrow with the results. The egg retrieval is only 4-5 days away, and I can't wait! I know all of this discomfort will be worth it in the end, at least at some point! :-)

IVF Day 6 Update

I went in for my IVF day 6 followup ultrasound and bloodwork this morning. My progesterone was <0.2, LH was 1.51, and estradiol was 420. The nurse said that my labs looked great!

We could see about 10 follicles on the ultrasound. My left ovary had about 5 follicles with the following measurements: 7.52, 8.68, 8.48, 8.06, and 8.70. My right ovary also had about 5 follicles with the following measurements: 10.18, 7.80, 9.15, 8.32, and 8.80. The nurse said that the number and sizes are still right on target. They don't like for the follicles to get too big too fast. So I am happy to be exactly where I need to be at this point in the process.

Since my estrogen (estradiol) was above 400, they told me to go ahead and start taking the Ganirelix injection (250 mcg) tonight. I will take it for 5-6 nights, along with the150 units each of Menopur and Gonal-F. The Ganirelix will help keep my body from ovulating until the eggs are mature enough to retrieve. We don't want to lose any precious cargo before it's time!

Speaking of precious cargo, here are the ultrasound photos of my left and right ovaries. The black circles are follicles. There may be even more follicles than appear in the photo that are hiding. In 1 more week, all of those mature follicles will be harvested for the eggs. 1 MORE WEEK!! :-)

RIGHT ovary & follicles



LEFT ovary & follicles



It's a very Kirby Anniversary!

Today is our 4th wedding Anniversary! We celebrated today by going to our favorite Tex-Mex restaurant, Berryhill, for lunch. Mmmmm! (Although, the real celebration will actually be dinner at Kirby's steakhouse on Saturday night.) And, right before we left for lunch, I received a beautiful bouquet of flowers from Shawn! How lucky am I?? He is so sweet & thoughtful! Our whole office smells like flowers this afternoon. It is wonderful!!

I also took a trip down memory lane by looking at some of our wedding photos from 4 years ago. I remember it was a rainy day and very, very muggy. We had our ceremony at a tiny church called Walnut Grove. I think it was around 100 years old at the time. Then we all went back to my parents' house for dinner, drinking, and dancing. A good time was had by all! It was a good day. :-)

IVF Day 4 Update -- Grow, follies! Grow!

Today I went in for my day 4 followup ultrasound and bloodwork. I have been taking 150 units each of Menopur & Gonal-F for the past 3 nights, so my doctor wanted to see how my follicles and hormones have been responding in case my dosage needed to be increased.

My bloodwork results are as follows: Estradiol (estrogen) was 143, LH was 2.13, and Progesterone was <0.2. Honestly, I have no idea what those findings mean. But my nurse told me that my results look great. That works for me!

As for the ultrasound, I have anywhere from 8-11 follicles that they could see and maybe more. The nurse had trouble seeing my ovaries and follicles today, for some reason. She said my blood vessels appeared to be in the way. But, from what she could see, there were 5-7 follicles on the left (ranging from 5.77mm to 6.46mm) and 3-4 follicles on the right (averaging about 4.19mm). There may be even more follicles in there that we were not able to see on the screen. I will go back for another followup on Friday and hopefully be able to see more clearly at that time. But the nurse told me that I am right on track in quantity and size of follicles, so I am very happy about that.

The nurse told me to continue with the same dosage of 150 units of both meds until Friday, at which time they will reevaluate me. After tonight, I will only have 6 nights or so left of injections. By then, my follicles should be plentiful and mature -- God willing. It still hasn't quite sunk in yet that the egg retrieval and embryo transfer are coming soon. I'm sure by early next week I will start getting nervous/excited. Bring it on!

Grow, follies! Grow!!

1978

I thought this was funny. Although, I don't think IVF takes the fun out of procreation. Infertility, in general, takes the fun out of it.

1978 is the year I was born... coincidence?? ;-)

Happy Injection... I mean... Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day!! We had a great weekend, spent with lots of family. My parents and my sister-in-law's parents came to Houston to visit. Good times, food, and wine were had by all!

Today is the day I start my IVF injections. While I am excited to get the ball rolling on this process, I am also very apprehensive. It is extremely difficult to continuously get your hopes up every month for almost 4 years that "this time might be different". I am a dreamer, so I tend to wear my feelings on my sleeve. Over the span of my 34 years on this earth, I have found that it is sometimes "safer" to hope for the best and expect the worst. I know that is a sad way to live, but sometimes you have to find ways to self-protect. Disappointment has always been a spirit-crusher for me, and I find it so hard to bounce back. I remember how openly excited I was when we put the "Kirby baby plan" in action back in 2008, hoping that it would quickly result in a family of three. Month after month, those hopes were dashed with each new cycle. It almost chips away at your soul, little by little, to feel your dreams get further and further out of reach. Years start to go by, and you realize that certain things in life are not as easily attainable as you had once imagined that they would be. However... I have also learned that it is the hardships in life that make us stronger and build our character. The harder we have to work at achieving something, the more we can appreciate it once we have it. So, maybe those little holes in my soul that have been chipped away by disappointment have been filled and replaced with wisdom, patience, appreciation, and determination. I think that Clairee Belcher, of Steel Magnolias, said it best: "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

My sister-in-law, Melissa, reminded me that I will be starting injections on Mother's Day. She thinks that is a good sign, as she actually conceived Ruby & Mable from IUI on Mother's Day in 2010. It would be pretty cool if this works! I also googled the estimated due date, if I do conceive this month, which would be Valentine's Day! Honestly, I could care less about what day my children are conceived and born. But it would be pretty cool to be able to tell them that I had a "sign" to show me that I was on my way to becoming a mommy! You just never know...

Below is a photo of all the IVF meds that I will be taking over the next ten days. I will probably do a post one day this week explaining what each medication is for and a timeline of the anticipated events for the next two weeks. A lot of people do not know what is really involved in the IVF process. I actually did not find out until fairly recently myself what is entailed. So I will do my best to shed some light on the subject and the miracle of medical science!

IVF meds

"I hear he's IVF. Like WAY wanted."

I thought this was cute... :-)

Ready or not... IVF, here we come.

Only a handful of people know our infertility story. I have decided to start blogging about our journey so that our children can one day read about how they came to be. I want them to know just how much their parents wanted them and planned for them. We have not even conceived them yet, and they are already loved so much.

Our fertility story begins in September 2008. We had been married only 4 months at that point, but we were already both over 30 years old. So I thought it would be a good idea to “pull the goalie” right away. Most young couples assume, starting out, that they will get pregnant right away. Little did we know that almost 4 years down the road we would still be trying for our first child. We tried on our own for about 2 years before seeking the help of a fertility doctor. Tests revealed that we had male factor infertility and would require assisted reproduction.

In October 2010, we tried IUI with Clomid. However, it did not work for us. After we moved back to Houston in December 2010, we went to a new fertility doctor who informed us that IVF would be the best route for us. I was just starting a new job at that time, and we needed time to save money for the procedure. So we decided to take a 1-year break in trying to conceive and spent the year building a new house. It was a welcome distraction indeed!

In January 2012, we went back to the fertility clinic to proceed with our IVF plan. We had Shawn tested one more time to make sure his numbers had not decreased over the past year. While we were at our IVF teaching visit, we actually found out that his numbers had improved! So we decided to switch gears and try IUI again, which is leaps & bounds cheaper than IVF. So, in March 2012, I did a natural IUI cycle which resulted in a chemical loss. We tried IUI again in April 2012 and used injections, but it did not work either. After realizing that my emotions & patience were wearing thin, we decided to surrender to the original IVF plan.

Today I went for my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork. I also paid for half of the IVF procedure – ouch! All of my tests came back “normal”, so I was given the go-ahead to start my injections on Sunday. I will start out taking 150 units of Gonal-F & 150 units of Menopur and increase/decrease my dosage as needed for 8-10 days. Shortly after that, they will do the egg retrieval. This will require that I go under anesthesia in the hospital for an outpatient procedure. Once they fertilize the eggs, the “good” embryos remain with the embryologist for 3-5 days until they are ready to be transferred into me. I should know by around mid-June whether this procedure worked or not. Fingers crossed!!

It has been a long and winding road to get where we are today. But I know that God has a plan for us, which includes everything we have been through up to this point. I do not know what the future holds. But I do know that a big part of my purpose in this life is to be a mother. I do not know how or when this will happen, but I will keep the faith that everything will fall into place in God’s timing. But, between you and me… I hope this is our month! :-)

Maybe one day... ;-)